I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
