She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
