When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
