told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
