The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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