Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
