zippers are such a cool invention
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
