We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
