Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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