I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
