Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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