you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
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