well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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