She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
i need some magic done to my vagina
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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