Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.

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(517): View more from Michigan

and trust me i need no booty pop lessons

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(714): View more from California

Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on

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(308): View more from Nebraska

You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.

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(469): View more from Texas

I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.

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(678): View more from Georgia

Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done

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