how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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