Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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