garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
