i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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