he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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