I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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