Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
