I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
