is your mom at the bar?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
