You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
