Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
