Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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