I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
