it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
