The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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