I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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