Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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