the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
