sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
