Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
