she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize