I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
