Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
