What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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