Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
