Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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