yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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