...so i touched it.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
