There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
