i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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