So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
