girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
