finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
