thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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