So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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