Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
