I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
