Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
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