Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
