you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
My feet surprised me
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
