Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
