So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
