dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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