Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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