They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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