wrigley field is MILF paradise
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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