I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
