At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
