hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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