Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Randomize
