i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
