weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
