puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
