please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
