You can't special order awesome
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
